Women Over 60 Still Have THOSE Kinda Days

Just because you’re a woman over 60 doesn’t mean you don’t still have THOSE days.

And, by THOSE days I mean any day you aren’t on your game. It doesn’t take a period to go off the rails. I’ve spent the last few days in a real weird zone; not a total funk, not really depressed – but more like a deer in headlights. Honesty, I’m still there. Perhaps it’s post-holiday-blues. A residual from losing Mom a few months ago? Or, just the normal back flow of the tsunami that 2017 was.

Highlights of my 2017:

• Moved to a new city (Dallas to Austin area) – March
• Built a house with Kurt so, while we aren’t legally married, we are more together now than we have been in our 4 years together. (and OMG, call me if you’re thinking of building a house. I’ve got some important “I would have done this so differently had I known” stories.) – May
• Turned 60 (I USED to think that was old) – May
• “Retired” (Three things I learned from my time at with my last employer… 1. Ageism is real, ladies. 2. Some company cultures can border on cultish. 3. In an effort to be strong managers, some women “lose sight of the forest for the trees”.) – July
• Started this blog with a dear friend (That’s Barbara Hart, the Teva side of Heels and Tevas dot com) – August
• Lost my Mom (Alzheimer’s is a bad, bad thing.) – October
• Became a Nana and hosted Kurt’s 3 daughters, 2 significant others, 2 young ones for Christmas. (Kurt’s middle daughter had a beautiful baby girl and, while only a Nana by association, I’m claiming it.) – December

As I sit here smack in the middle of January 2018 – the silence is almost deafening. I guess I’m tuned to turbulence. I’m looking into 2018 and …there is none. There’s a lovely trip in February (Kurt’s oldest daughter getting married in Cancun) and a F.A.B.U.L.O.U.S. trip in October (Can you say PARIS?) But – everything else is (for now, thank goodness) calm. Normal, even.

So, NOW what?

Thoughts of “what am I doing with my life??” doesn’t magically stop when you hit 60 (or 70, or 80 I’m guessing). And you don’t have to have a year like my 2017 to get into a weird space in your head, either. I imagine that I’m not the only one who feels a bit lost and wonky at times. I continue to want to DO something with my life. Yes, after 60 I thought I’d be done caring. Ack!

So, how do you slay this monster – emotional paralysis? First of all, realize you won’t ever slay it completely. The monster is a part of you. (I won’t say “sadly” a part of you, because it’s presence keeps you on your toes – and keeps you caring.)

But to tame the monster… After allowing myself a sufficient time of of laying around and after my excuses for not exercising, not picking up after myself and overeating have worn out – I put my big girl pants on and sit in a quiet place.  I think about where I’ve been, what I’ve accomplished and ask myself,

How would you respond to a friend who came to you for support expressing these same feelings?

Ha! You’d show them all the good they’ve done, the challenges they’ve overcome and how flippin’ awesome they are. (aka:  fuc… well, you get it.) It can be hard to give yourself the same understanding, compassion and love you’d give a dear friend. We KNOW we should, in that sense, but it doesn’t FEEL the same. Here’s where your brain needs to power through.

Cowgirl Up

So, here’s my brain is powering through. Work with me on this. You and me, we’re looking at where we’ve been, what we’ve accomplished and – you know what?  We’re pretty flippin’ (aka … fu….   …nevermind) AWSOME!

…that sort of helped. Let’s keep working on it. Because, you know what? We ARE fucking awesome.